The Mediumest Boy

I’ve duped myself into thinking that I am merely average.
I don’t need your acceptance, I don’t want your admissive compliment.
I’m a package wrapped in brown paper
While all of the others have shiny circles and lines.
Ok, maybe not all of the others, excuse my dramatic interpretations.
I’m really finding that I’m pretty decent, I mean I’m full of quality.
Color me inside the lines and make it look good…that’s what I am.

On the other hand, I am the mediumest boy.
I’m not the scum of the earth, everyone makes these simple mistakes.
I’ll wipe all of the chocolate cake and frosting from my mouth
And come into the light.
All of the dark stains will still be on my clothes and hands, but it’s ok.
“It’s okay you guys come out into the light
I have chocolate cake all over myself too
Come on out, we’re all messy and you’ve felt bad about it long enough”
That’s what I’d say to all the other ones….all of them.

20 Questions About Bathrooms: Question #10

10.I’m not okay with bath fans that come on with the light, I like to have the choice, don’t you?

Sometimes those bath fans are noisy and I just want some peace and quiet, okay? Or, on other occasions I want to use the bathroom in complete darkness, but retain the odor removing qualities of the bath fan. Is this too much to ask? You probably hadn’t thought about it much before, but now…..consider your world ROCKED.

The Panty Hose Trick

About a month ago, the on site laundry at my apartment building went from a cost of $1.00 to $2.00. After my initial complaining, a friend told me about the panty hose trick. Supposedly you should be able to trick the quarter vending mechanism by first putting all of your quarters into a portion of panty hose. When you push the slider in, the machine starts and you are then able to extract your money via the panty hose.

First problem: I don’t have any panty hose.
After asking several friends for some with no luck, I frantically grabbed a box of them while dashing through the women’s intimates section of Target. $3.49. Oh man, these better save me some serious money. I risked my life and reputation for it.

Second problem: It doesn’t work.
At the outset, I tried sticking the 8 quarters into their respective slots all while contained in a panty hose leg. This is very difficult! Then, after jamming the machine almost beyond repair, I was barely able to salvage my quarters AND my new panty hose. I was creating all kinds of racket in the laundry room and now my panty hose had dozens of little holes in it. I didn’t give up, I tried and tried again, only to find myself successful at jamming the machine, pinned in the land between a clothes wash and getting my 8 quarters back. Finally, while attempting to keep only two quarters in the hose I was able to push the plunger all the way in, starting the wash cycle. I was elated, while pulling the plunger back out, to find one of my quarters still remained! I only had to pay $1.75 for my wash!!! Suckers!!! 20 min of aggravating work and $3.49 worth of panty hose will get you a 12.5% discount on your wash. How Wonderful!

A German Engineering Farce

Volkswagen has long been a purveyor of innovative vehicles like the microbus and the Eurovan, but now badge engineering has gotten the best of the VW moniker.

Taken from the Routan brochure:
“Introducing the only minivan in America with German engineering.”

“The people want the body of a minivan, with the heart and soul of a German-tuned Volkswagen. They want sleek European design on the outside, and dynamic sporty European engineering underneath. They want German-inspired performance for their inner child, and all-wheel ABS brakes and traction control for their actual children. That’s why we’ve created the Volkswagen Routan, the only German-tuned minivan In America. It’s what the people want.”

The new VW Routan; A Chrysler Minivan.
Same Platform.
Same Drivetrain.
Same Body Cues.
Same Car.


Sure, the general public may not notice, but anyone who takes even the slightest look closer at the car world will know that this thing is NOT engineered by Germans. No, not in the least. So, hey, Brooke Shields, enough with the German engineering talk.