Underwear’s Abandon

Gentlemen, Ladies; Take a look at your underwear. As you examine the materials and schemes of them, ask yourself: If I had a shirt made out of this material, would I wear it? Then, ask yourself: If I had a pair of pants made out of this material, would I wear them? Then: If I had a hat made out of this fabric, would I wear it? The likely answer to all of these little questions is No, no I wouldn’t. Why? Well it’s obvious isn’t it. Underwear is all about the secret person underneath. Seriously, you could wear stuff that matched your style, but instead, most of us, wear underwear that has tacky patterns on them. It’s the very fabric we wouldn’t dare wear on the outside,..but oh! on this inside…..Well, drape me in the stuff. Lacy boy shorts with pink and purple hearts on it?….SpongeBob SquarePants print?…Camouflage Rambo shorts?….And that’s just what’s in my drawer. Think about all those other closet freaks out there, with there unspeakables speaking unspeakable things!
Funny then that we choose to wear, what we would never wear on the outside, underneath

I Remember When I Fit In a Tonka Truck

When I was young I had a Tonka dump truck, that, when I carefully kneeled, I could fit into the box of. It’s width and length were perfect for my small, bent legs to fit in to. The cool metal feel of it while it first touched my skin; the scratched and flaking yellow paint; the clumsy plastic wheels loping along the brown carpet of the hallway as I pulled myself along. It all added up to an insignificantly wonderful experience. It didn’t seem like a big deal when I couldn’t fit in it anymore, though I would still try to wedge myself in. Now it seems like a big deal that I ever DID fit in the Tonka truck. I’ve seen them at other people’s homes and in kids’ rooms during my adult life and have been wowed by their size compared to my own.

The Tonka truck probably arrived as a birthday present when I was 3; 4 maybe. Today I've turned 27 years old; I have no regrets though
I’d love to wedge back into that truck box;
to crawl into my mother’s lap;
to climb short trees and feel as though I were suspended in space;
to be happiest when I have candy;
to be fascinated by bugs and rocks and…;
to be unaware of the limits of my own yard or the woods behind the house;
to sit, three-wide, with my sisters in a chair;
to be soooo excited about tomorrow;
to love visiting grandma’s house;
to stay up late, watching MASH with my parents, then fake sleep so I can be carried up to bed;
to be tucked in, kissed, and easily loved

Let’s go back to that time. Someone, with me - Let’s go back to that time please.

My Favorite Apple

Today a frigid wind faced me, I walked methodically from the library back to the store. My lunch break was drawing to a close, I kept my head down, I was eating a braeburn apple. I thought of apples, good ones anyway, and what it is exactly that makes them good. There’s something about biting into one and pulling a perfect scale of apple skin and fruit into your mouth, those pieces that don’t fit the contour of your teeth, that are wider than you think. It’s as if it was sliced off with a gold-brown pocket knife as you’re sitting in a stubble field leaning up against the truck or a round bale. A good apple isn’t carved, it’s broken and split into mouth sized pieces, a good apple is taken apart and, as it is, it makes music.
Yesterday she asked what kind of apple I was eating, “It’s a braeburn” admitted like an old habit.
“Honeycrisps are better”
“yes, I know, honeycrisps are my favorite”
…
She brought me a honeycrisp today, she defied my belief that they were out of season, she defied my make-believe misgivings. So that now I’ve changed my mind,…Turns out Honeycrisps aren’t my favorite apple. No, you; you are my favorite apple.

20 Questions About Bathrooms: Question #16

16. Did you know that my mom has a Jacuzzi?

Toilet. It’s a Jacuzzi brand toilet! Can you believe that!? Now the thought of washing your feet in the commode doesn’t seem like such a dumb idea, does it? It has excellent whirling action, by the way.

February Is Haunting Me

Do you remember what February did
I do
February hurt me

I talked to February
Last year
I said
“I want closeness
I want somebody close
Not just anyone
I want one person to trust
And hold
I want skin on skin contact
I want to hold someone
I want a reason
Reason in the shit”

Because it hurt me
February hurt me

It came back this year
It put hooks in me and now hangs
From my skin
February says nothing to me
February cares not
February spells c-a-r-e with a K
And ends it with ills

Can you replace February, Love?
I hate to even ask
But I need care
From you
No one else
Not February
You

I Want To Enjoy It; But I Can’t.

Prayer. Meditation. The new bother of my day. I’ve always wanted to thoroughly enjoy praying like some people seem to when they talk about it. Truth is, I can hardly remember praying and enjoying it. During hokey prayer circles I’m doing my best to curb my fidgeting and I’m usually daydreaming about something far away from prayer. Then, I just feel guilty about it. Jesus taught his disciples to pray by giving them the Lord’s prayer and I have a hard time using that as a model because it’s so broad. So here I am, committed to praying every morning for a long 15min. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to enjoy prayer times; it’s something that I feel has eluded me for most of my life.

My Last Day As A Freak,...Uh, I Mean Vegetarian.

During the month of January I went on a vegetarian diet to expand my horizons and possibly discover a lifestyle change that I would like a enough to stick with. This didn’t happen. I miss meat. It wasn’t terrible, there were some things that I really enjoyed about being on a vegetarian diet, but getting invited over to friends’ houses for hamburgers was a huge let-down(I swear this happened, like a thousand times during the month).

Here are a few zany facts that I came up with:
- Being on a vegetarian diet doesn’t gain you any ‘macho’ points
- Beef is delicious
- Non-meat meals are fun to make
- You feel healthier and maybe even more energetic on a vegetarian diet
- bunnies are cute
- no amount of mini-donuts can fill the hole that meat will create in your soul
- Your canine teeth get really bored when on a vegetarian diet and they go on and on about it, saying things like “This is sooo laaaammme. These vegetables are super mushy. Seriously, the tongue could chew these.”

It looks like I’ll be praying and meditating for 15min every morning in February as my new lifestyle change. Maybe this one will stick. Goodbye Vegetables; Good Morning Lord! Thanks so much for voting, I was pleased with the response.